Many people get to a certain point in our lives and feel stuck. Getting unstuck is the key to enjoying your life, feeling free and living authentically.
What does it mean to be stuck?
Well for starters, if you’re stuck, you’re going to feel like your life is stagnant. Like you’re going through the motions. Every day might feel the same. You’re stuck in the same place – you’re not growing or moving forward.
You might feel like you’re just going through the motions. You might find yourself comparing your life to the lives of others who seem to be better off, or have it easier (guess what? that’s totally an illusion!)
Tony Robbins said “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Humans are wired for growth. We crave it. We crave connection. That’s why being stuck can be so painful. It’s painful to stay in the same place, especially when you feel like you are unable to move forward.
Why do we get stuck?
Your comfort zone
A little thing called your comfort zone is what keeps you stuck. Fear keeps you stuck. Fear of failure, fear of uncertainty, fear of being judged, not fitting in.
Identifying with roles, not who we really are
Sometimes we get stuck by over-identifying with the roles we’re playing in life. For example, if you’re a mom, and that’s your identity, you’ll likely brush off any desires you have for yourself as selfish. It’s tiring because you never take time to fill your cup up, but it’s comfy because it’s certain. You know that role so you hide out there. That keeps you stuck.
The people you hang out with
If you hang out with other people who are stuck, it’s easy to stay stuck too. When you surround yourself with people who are moving forward and growing, you’re much more likely to get out of your comfort zone.
Comparison
Comparing yourself to other people can also keep you stuck. When contemplating a change, it can be overwhelming or discouraging to look at someone who appears to “have all their shit together” so you may not even start. It’s the pessimist fear pattern at work – I’ll probably fail anyway, so why should I even try?
Inadequacy, unworthiness, and asking permission
Feeling inadequate is another reason people have a hard time getting unstuck. If you don’t feel you’re worthy or deserving of a fulfilling and happy life, you’ll have a hard time stepping outside of your comfort zone. Your inner critic plays a huge part here. Start to notice when you hear that voice of “not enough”.
Asking “permission” is something that we seldom think about as something that keeps us stuck, but it plays a big part. When you ask permission, you are asking someone else for “buy-in” that what you’re about to do makes sense, or is a good idea. You are, in a sense, offloading some of the responsibility so that if it didn’t work it’s not solely your fault. After all, someone else reassured you it was a good idea, right?
So, how do you get unstuck?
I’m so glad you asked. It takes some work, but it’s good work. Start by asking yourself a few great questions as journal prompts (and yes, journaling REALLY does help).
Ask the right questions
Ask yourself, what lights me up?, what inspires me? What makes me forget about time? What, when I’m doing it, makes me enjoy life and feel alive?
Those are great questions to start with.
If you have trouble with that, you can also start with what you don’t love. You can ask yourself, what isn’t serving me in my life?, what DON’T I want? What makes me feel stagnant, or stuck and why is that?
Sometimes a perspective shift is needed because your thoughts are keeping you stuck. And sometimes you just need to let go of the things that aren’t serving you because those things are keeping you stuck.
Know your end game and commit
You need to commit to something to grow. Being stuck isn’t really a problem of a lack of knowledge. Rather, it’s a lack of execution. When you’re committed to something, you don’t accept excuses, you’re just looking for results. This is different than simply being interested in something. When you’re interested in something, you’re doing it when it’s convenient.
You need to know your end game. What are you working toward? How will you feel and how will your life look when you’re out of your stuckness? You need to know where you’re going in order to take the first step and the next right step and then the next and the next.
Don’t measure your progress based on others’ results
Be careful also how you measure your progress. Comparison is a dangerous thing. It can be discouraging and cause you to negate all of your little wins – the ones that are really important to celebrate as you work toward the big ones. Remember that pessimist fear pattern I mentioned earlier? When you compare your progress to those of others, you’re setting yourself for that. I’ll probably fail anyway, so why even try? Or so-and-so is so much better. She has it so much easier. I’ll never get there so why even try?
The impact of doing the work to get unstuck
The impact of your “getting unstuck” work reaches far and wide. Of course, getting unstuck (and everything you experience on the journey there) will make your own life richer and more amazing, but your work will also impact the people around you.
Getting unstuck is a HUGE perspective overhaul. The circumstances in your life might not change, but your way of thinking – the thoughts you have – will change in a big way. You’ll respond to your circumstances differently.
By doing this work, you’ll save time, get more out of your time and enjoy your time more. You’ll be more present with the people in your life, which will improve your relationships with others.
You’ll gain clarity on what you want in life.
You’ll know what inspires you and lights you up. You’ll find purpose and meaning.
You’ll learn how to actually feel your feelings instead of using coping mechanisms like food, alcohol or shopping.
You’ll come to know that uncomfortable feelings aren’t bad. They’re just uncomfortable. Letting them move through you becomes a part of life and no reason to freak out.
You’ll spend less time in overwhelm.
You’ll spend less energy on being overwhelmed, which leads to less stress and anxiety, which leads to better health. You’ll be able to spend more time in a space of calm, which impacts everyone around you.
You’ll become a better problem-solver. You’ll make faster and better decisions because you learn that no decision is a mistake. Even decisions that seem like “mistakes” can lead to something great. You grow to trust your decisions.
When you’re not stuck, you can set goals and take the action needed to reach them. You’re not afraid to take the steps, so you reach more of your goals. You are also kinder to yourself when you don’t reach them!
You’ll improve your relationship with things like food, health, and money.
You can save more, spend less, and manage money better because you’re not operating out of a place of fear. Same thing with food. When you’re not operating out of a place of fear and lack, you don’t need to use food as a coping mechanism. You might eat less or eat healthier. You’ll enjoy the food you do eat more.
You’ll believe in yourself.
You’ll think in terms of what’s possible for you – not what limits you. You’re facing your fear of getting outside of your comfort zone because you believe in your ability to handle whatever comes your way. You’re not afraid to make mistakes because mistakes aren’t the end of the world.
Think of the impact that has – you’re not afraid to try new things so for example, maybe you start a business that helps thousands of people.
You learn to love yourself and you become comfortable in your own skin.
Because you love yourself, you take care of yourself like you would take care of a loved one. You fill your cup first so you have the energy to be present for the people who need you. You’re able to stay more focused and get more done in less time. You can do all of this with no guilt for taking time for yourself too.
Taking care of yourself has all kinds of benefits to others around you. You’ll be more patient, yell less, listen more.
You’ll have better quality time with your family, your kids, your friends. Your connections will be deeper and stronger. Your marriage or relationship is stronger. You communicate more effectively. You’re able to be content with life, yourself and the people around you, no matter how they behave.
Think of the role model you’re setting for your kids as an unstuck parent.
When you do this work, you feel whole. You feel like you’re enough. You won’t be afraid to make mistakes because they’re part of life, no big deal. They say nothing about who you are.
You’ll look forward to your days, you’ll feel more ease, more flow. Of course there will be challenging times, but you’ll handle them with so much more grace than when you were stuck.
Your chances of having regrets are small because you’ll actually be living your life as opposed to merely existing. You’ll enjoy your life more.
Doing the work
So where do you start getting unstuck?
Start by noticing the little things – where do you feel stagnant? Where don’t you feel stagnant? What do you think is holding you back from stepping outside of your comfort zone? What thoughts do you have about doing that?
Journal
Journal on all of these things. You’ll start to notice thoughts that might not be serving you in the moment and work with them to create new thoughts that serve you better. Part of this is uncovering beliefs and story lines you have about yourself and the world that aren’t helpful, finding evidence to disprove them and create new beliefs that are more helpful to you in your journey to getting unstuck.
Awareness
If I were working with you as a client, we’d do a lot of work on awareness and creating new beliefs and thoughts, because your thoughts create your reality. Your thoughts create your results.
All of this work results in a perspective shift. You learn to connect what your shitty thoughts are creating in your life and you learn how to shift those so that you’re creating unstuck-ness.
Believe in yourself
The other part of my work is teaching my clients to believe in what’s possible for them. The goal is to get you from thinking I can’t, or what if I fail? to What if I can? What if it is possible?
Game changer and that simple shift will absolutely blow your mind, without question.
If you’re interested in learning more about this work, I’d love to talk with you about the 6-month 1-on-1 coaching program I offer. It is a container for transformation and the answer to getting unstuck. You can email me at kortney@kortneyrivard.com and we can set up a time to talk.
