What is the cost of not speaking up?  

I had an entirely different post prepared for today, and it just didn’t feel right.  I, like you, are seeing all of the hate and anger going on in the world and I am questioning how I can do better.  

All of this makes me sick. 

I feel sad, frustrated and angry for the family of George Floyd, and all of the other Blacks who have been victimized recently and in years past.  This is not a new problem.

It’s ironic that I’m writing this today when I don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  I don’t really know how to best support people of color right now. 

I have a lot of feelings that I don’t really know what to do with.  So many things I don’t know how to say.

It isn’t in my nature to speak out on the big social and political issues.  Why?

I keep my opinions to myself usually.  Most of the time, I am a conflict-avoider. Most of the time, I don’t know what to say, or the bigger issue is really that I don’t know how to say it. 

And yes, I am afraid of being criticized or put down if I say something stupid.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I am realizing that I am not really in integrity with my values for keeping my mouth shut to avoid conflict or avoid feeling like I’ve said something stupid. 

I did a webinar a couple of weeks ago on authenticity and how being authentic can actually help you get unstuck and live a happier life.  In the webinar, I gave my audience some things they could practice to get to know, and nurture, their true selves.

One of the things I talked a lot about was self-awareness.  To notice when you feel a sense of being in conflict between your beliefs and your actions.  

I feel that now. It feels heavy.

I feel this incredible tension around it, in fact.  I feel that I have been complacent around the issue of racism, which leads me to feel like I am not acting in integrity with my values. I say it’s terrible and that it shouldn’t happen.  But, have I actually done anything to be part of the solution?

Sadly, I cannot claim that I have. 

Three of my core values are: family, authenticity and courage. 

To be in integrity with those values though, I need to say what I feel – what is authentic and true to me – and have the courage to stand by it.  I also need to have the courage to listen to others’ points of view and keep an open mind. 

I need to have the courage to stand up for an end to racism in the ways I can, especially the small ways. 

I also need to have the courage to call myself out when I am not in integrity with the person that I want to be.

Family. I do NOT want my kids to grow up in a racist world.  

I want my kids to see all people the same as themselves – we are all human beings. We are all special in our own ways. 

We are all in this together. 

I am reminded of the song I learned when I was little – in summer vacation bible school… “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.  Red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in his sight….”

Why can’t it be that way? Why can’t it be just that easy?

I want my kids to understand that they are so privileged in many ways.  They don’t have to worry about being murdered by police officers.  They don’t have to worry about being gunned down while out jogging in a hoodie. 

They don’t have to worry, or rehearse, what to do if they are stopped by police.  

I want my children to speak up against racial and social injustice by standing up for their Black and minority peers.  I want them to know that is their duty as human beings.

But, this starts with me.

How will they know how to speak up if their mother isn’t doing the same?

Authenticity. How can I be my authentic self right now?

I’ve been guilty of being a hypocrite when it comes to racism.  I’ve talked about how terrible it is and how it shouldn’t happen, but then I turn around and go about my daily business without giving it another thought. 

As if it doesn’t affect me.

But it affects all of us.  Because we should all be doing something to stop it.

The big things.  The little things.

I am feeling that now is a time for me to dig deep and take a hard look at the inaction in my past.  

What do I believe, and why?  What is true for me and how do I want to speak that truth?  What is it that is holding me back?  Where is the discrepancy between my beliefs and my actions?

To stay in integrity with myself and my value of authenticity, I need to step up and speak what is true for me, even if I am fumbling my way through it. 

I need to just fumble my way through it, even if it only means standing next to my Black brothers and sisters saying “I see you and I support you”.

Most important, right now, I need to listen, and learn.

Courage is the answer

All of this brings up the bigger issue of fear.  Am I afraid of saying the wrong thing?  Yes.

Am I afraid of not saying something intelligently or as eloquently as someone else? Probably.

Am I afraid of other people criticizing what I say? Of course.

Sometimes it even takes courage to listen and learn.  And fumble our way through it in the best way we know how.

Now is the time for me – for all of us –  to practice courage in this way.  To have the courage to stand up for what is right.  To feel the heaviness of all of this and commit to doing what we can to end this. 

We need to have the courage to listen.  To learn.

In my work, I encourage my clients to step out of their comfort zones, even if it means a little bit at a time.  Each time you have the courage to look over the edge of where it’s comfortable, you get a little braver.  You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone and onto the bridge to somewhere new won’t kill you.

For me, that is what is in integrity with who I am.  To practice looking at where I feel uncomfortable and ask myself why.  The next step is to step outside the comfort zone and do the thing that is hard.  It will get easier each time.

The rewards are great.  And the cost of not looking at our own fears and integrity to create change is greater.  

It is true that I don’t really know to speak what is true for me right now.  I am finding my voice on a moment-to-moment basis.  

It is true that I don’t know the best way to support Blacks right now.

But, it is my duty to find the courage to act in integrity with my truth.  It’s my duty to step outside my comfort zone and say something instead of sitting by giving lip service to the issues.

Mahatma Gahndi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”  I think that is a fitting quote for all of us to remember right now.  What change do you want to see, and how can you act in integrity with yourself to be that change?

I’d love to hear your (peaceful) comments about how we can be the change.  Please comment below, email me or start a conversation on social media.  

The cost is too great NOT to start the conversation.