Welcome back to the podcast! Let’s set better goals this year.

After my December break, I’m back talking about how to set better goals and bring some soul into your new year.

Did you know that 92% of people that set new year’s resolutions or goals never follow through? 

One of the reasons why is that they set goals that have nothing to do with who they REALLY are. They set goals based on who they think they SHOULD be, or who they need to be in order to gain the approval of others or feel better about themselves.

This week, I’m diving into a better way to set goals. Goals with SOUL.

If you can tell the truth about what you REALLY want, and tune into your soul to discover WHY you want it, you’re going to set goals with meaning – goals that feel GOOD to go after. 

In this episode, I’m telling you about my method and sharing a FREE 5-day challenge to help you set your own GOALS with SOUL.

✅ You can register HERE
https://pages.kortneyrivard.com/2022-challenge

In the challenge, you’ll

• assess your current goals and tell the truth about what you REALLY want, deep down
• tune into your soul and discover WHY you want what you want
• make a plan for how to keep going when things get hard
• set some action steps to help you follow through on your goals the SOULFUL way!

You’ll get:

• daily lessons delivered to your inbox
• downloadable worksheets to guide you along
• private Facebook group for encouragement and support!

Until you can learn what your soul REALLY wants, you’ll spin your wheels and stay in the same place.

You don’t want to be in the same place next year, do you? If not, you don’t want to miss this challenge!

✅ SIGN UP HERE ✅
https://pages.kortneyrivard.com/2022-challenge

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Got questions?

Click HERE and schedule a call!

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, friends and welcome back to Real, Brave, & Unstoppable. 

[00:00:06] I am back after a much-needed break in December. It was kind of hard for me to make the decision to go on a break, because I always want to be bringing new content to you, but it was really good to have it because now I’m recharged and I took one thing off of my plate that just really needed to come off my plate. 

I’m recording this in the new year 2022. Yay. Leaving 2021 behind. I think a lot of people are happy about that. I mean, it’s just a year, right? It’s like a random time marker. But whatever. 

[00:00:40] We have some good things to look forward to in 2022. I know I do. And I’m sure you do as well. 

[00:00:47] I hope your holidays were good. I hope you had a chance to spend time with family and enjoy all of the magic of the season. And. If you’re like a lot of people, it might’ve been, you know, maybe it was a little bit of a hard time. December can be that way. I told my mom the other day, you know, I really want to love this time of the year. I really do, but it’s hard. It’s really hard for me, especially… I went through a split with my ex about this time of the year. It was a long time ago now – seven years ago.

[00:01:19] So it’s just a lot of memories with that, that come up for me. Even though I’ve done so much healing, that stuff still comes up and I think a lot of people have that. And then on top of it, there are just a lot of things, you know, if we don’t,

[00:01:33] take the time to practice some extra self-care and really be intentional about what we put on our to-do list; it can really be a hard time of the year. So that’s why I took the podcast off my to-do list was because I was being intentional about what I wanted to take on and what I didn’t. 

[00:01:48] So I feel good about how I managed that this year. It was good. And I had a very nice holiday. We celebrate Christmas, so I had a very wonderful Christmas. Very chill new year’s Eve, so that was good too. 

So to shift into what we’re talking about today, we’re going to talk about Goals with Soul.

[00:02:07] A lot of people are really not down with new year’s resolutions because they don’t really work. I think the statistic is like 92% or 91% of people that make new year’s resolutions don’t follow through. If you’re an active person and you know what Strava is, Strava is an app for recording fitness activities. Strava did a study of, I think it was like 800 million user-logged activities. And they call January 19th Quitter’s Day, because January 19th is the day when the activities like drop off like a cliff. So they actually call it Quitter’s Day. 

[00:02:49] I’m not opposed to using the new year to set some intentions and goals. That’s the thing though, is it doesn’t have to be the new year. You can do this at any time of the year. I like to do it in January, just because I’m wrapping up the year for my business. It just makes sense for me and it feels good for me to kind of go okay, I’ve

[00:03:12] made it through Christmas. Now it’s like a new line in the sand for me to kind of, you know, that way I can easily measure it’s easy to remember. Every January, I kind of take a look at how things went in the past year and look forward to the new year and what I want to accomplish or how I –

[00:03:32] We’re going to talk about today – how I want to feel. And that’s really been kind of the focus I’ve shifted to, with goal setting, how I want to feel. 

[00:03:40] A few years ago, I bought the book The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.

[00:03:46] If you haven’t read that, it’s really good. And it’s really based on what I just said about looking at how you want to feel and setting goals based on that. Because the reason that we want anything is because we want to feel how we think we’ll feel when we have that thing. That’s the motivation. It really is. 

[00:04:08] So it got me thinking about that and how that’s really not how people set goals. I did a challenge based loosely on this about a year ago. I think it was last year I did it. And the challenge talked about the concept, but I didn’t really dive into this concept of what do you truly want, like at your soul level and that’s that you want to feel a certain way? 

[00:04:34] And one important thing to remember. Is that our feelings are caused by our thoughts about the thing. So, as I thought about all of this, a couple more things surfaced for me. First, what I said about the way we think will feel. So for example, a goal like losing weight, we assume we’re going to feel good about ourselves. 

[00:04:56] But oftentimes that’s like a momentary feeling. Often we quickly realize that there’s a little more going on than that. We wanted the feeling of good, but it turns out we took the wrong path kind of, and if you’ve ever gone on a diet and lost weight, and gotten to that weight and still found maybe you feel good for a while and you’re really excited about it, but then like you gain weight back or you kind of go back to the same feeling. It’s not a lasting feeling. 

[00:05:26] So really what that tells us is that losing weight in and of itself is really not the root desire. And sometimes it takes a little digging to find that. 

[00:05:39] And so using this example, good is also kind of a broad word. So, what does good even mean? What are you basing good on? And what’s actually making you feel good? Is it coming from your soul or is it coming from external validation? So, using the weight example. I know for myself, even though I think it might be coming from internal, like I really want to feel healthy and lighter. And when I run I want to feel, you know, less thumpy. For lack of a better word. But really, it’s so I look good and looking good – there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, but then you have to ask yourself, where’s that desire coming from? Is it because you want to fit in with other people? To feel more comfortable with other people, as if how you are right now, isn’t good enough? So you have to ask that question. And also it occurs to me that when you really take the time to tune into how you want to feel, what’s really authentic for you. There are thousands of ways to get that feeling. So, it stands to reason that

[00:06:47] losing weight, for example is not the only way to get the feeling you want. So, there is a lot to think about here. And I really wanted to dive into this idea of setting goals from a place where you’re tuned into your soul. Not where you’re in comparison mode. Or thank you need to be better than what than who you are now. This is setting goals or intentions or a vision, whatever resonates for you… 

[00:07:14] aspirations, whatever word – you pick your word – from a place where you’re in tune with what really lights you up. What really makes you feel alive and energizes your soul? In the Desire Map, I believe Danielle LaPorte calls it or says she needs to be juiced or stoked as she goes, you know, she works on the goal. 

[00:07:37] So in this podcast, we’re going to explore this whole idea. And I’m going to tell you about a free challenge that I’m running starting January 17th. It’s called Goals with Soul, and it’s going to help you do all of this with support. You’re going to get daily lessons delivered to your inbox. I’m going to go live in the Facebook group every day, you’re going to get some worksheets to help you help guide you along. And then the Facebook group will be there to encourage and support you. And the great thing about this is that when we get done with the challenge, you’re going to have a really good idea of what you really want. And you’re going to start looking at goals that you’ve made in the past that maybe just aren’t quite aligned. 

[00:08:23] So let’s dive in. 

First, I want to say there’s nothing wrong with practical goals. But the whole issue. That, and this is what this challenge I’m doing gets at, is that the issue is that all too often, we set goals based on the person that we think we should be, because we don’t think who we are is enough. 

[00:08:43] I call these check the box goals. They’re goals that we set from, like unconscious thinking. We’re not really, you know, their habit goals are based on social expectations.  who we think we should be or who we think we need to be in order to get approval from other people or feel okay about ourselves. Those are check the box schools in my lingo here. 

[00:09:04] So the opposite, SOUL GOALS, which is what are our goal is. Our goal is to have SOUL goals. These are really true to who you are. They come from your soul, they light you up. And here you’re working towards at the end of the day, a feeling and one that makes you feel lit up and alive. So when you’re in this place, you’re really living in your purpose. You’re aligned with your truth. You’re being authentic. These goals have a super strong why behind them, like a, a point of clarity that will really keep you on track. 

[00:09:39] And anytime you set a goal, you want to ask yourself, why do I want this? If you don’t know that when things get hard, you’re not gonna follow through. And that’s why a lot of people don’t follow through is because they don’t have that strong enough WHY. Because they haven’t really explored this whole idea of setting a SOUL goal. 

[00:09:58] So I’m probably going to use the example of weight loss a lot during this episode, because I think a lot of people can relate to this. The huge majority of people who set new year’s resolutions or goals set health-related goals. So I think… sometimes I feel like, oh my God, I keep using that example. But it just is really an easy example and it’s really relatable. So, but you can apply this to like everything. 

[00:10:23] But using weight loss as an example, if your goal is I want my skinny jeans to fit,

[00:10:31] You just ask yourself why? Why do you need your skinny jeans to fit? And trust me, I’m guilty of this too. And, and, you know, even now I go through this too, it’s just, our social conditioning is so, so deep that it’s really hard to get past this. The great thing is it is possible. So the skinny jeans… I want to fit into my skinny jeans. Why do you want to fit into your skinny jeans? 

[00:10:54] That’s not really juicing me up – like that, that motivation, because what that is is I want to fit into those skinny jeans. It doesn’t really do anything for my soul. My soul doesn’t really give a shit, but it that’s the external goal. It’s like when, you know, I want people to think that I look thin. 

[00:11:14] So I’m going to lose weight so I fit in better. And when I fit in better, I feel good about myself. That’s the wrong, that’s not a SOUL goal. It’s not a soul WHY. Not a soul YES! That is, 

[00:11:27] I will feel better about myself if I look the way I think I should look because I don’t think I look good enough right now. 

[00:11:34] Do you see the difference? That is not a SOUL goal because you’re looking for the feeling outside of yourself. With a SOUL goal you’re going to find the feeling from within. 

[00:11:45] So, how do you know the difference? I’m going to go back to the weight loss example. I kind of already touched on this here, but you need to think about how your, how you feel when you’re working on losing weight. So for some people it’s obsessed, shitty about themselves, no willpower. And then when they lose weight, they’re still left with all of these things they didn’t like

[00:12:07] or that they haven’t accepted about themselves that really had zero to do with weight. 

[00:12:14] And some people might really enjoy the process because it helps them feel empowered, inspired, and energized… and I’d be willing to bet that those people are not focused so much on losing weight. They’re more focused on feeling good, which is the whole point of this. So also, you might think something is really important to you. 

[00:12:34] But if you really dig in it isn’t as important as you think, at least in the way you framed it. Because you don’t stick to it if it’s not important to you at a soul level. If you’re not feeling aligned with it, you’re not going to stick to it. And that’s the whole problem with resolutions and goals. 

[00:12:55] Is that they’re set from a place of, oh, I better set some new year’s resolutions or goals. I need to be better this year. So, this sounds good. This sounds good. And this sounds good. I’m going to go to the gym. I’m going to eat healthier. I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to spend less time on my screen or on my phone. 

[00:13:12] And there’s nothing wrong with those goals at all. But again, you have to look at where they’re coming from. So, in this challenge, I’m doing -GOALS with SOUL… We’re going to talk about all of this, and we’re actually going to look at your own goals on the first day and work with like one

[00:13:32] and look and see if they’re what I call check the box goals or SOUL goals. 

[00:13:38] This really involves looking at how you feel. How do you feel about that goal? Is it something that you really desire internally? Does this light you up? Or is this something that you’re doing because you need outside approval to make you feel good? 

[00:13:56] And this is the place where you have to get really honest. Using the example of losing weight, there are a lot of people who would rather lose weight than work on accepting their body as it is because they’re afraid that if they don’t

[00:14:17] keep trying to lose weight, you know, to “better themselves”, they’re not going to get the validation that they need. When they really just need to accept themselves so they can learn to give it to themselves. 

[00:14:32] So, you know, like losing weight can be really tricky because you want to fit in with others or you want to not feel self-conscious. And your clothes or whatever you want to wear things that look good on certain people, but not on you. And that’s all fine. But I really look to encourage some work on self-acceptance and self-love here because if you try to lose weight to fit into those clothes

[00:14:59] as your goal. 

[00:15:01] you’re not going to be happy doing it. You’re going to be justifying that. Or when you get there, you’re not going to stay there. Or you’re not going to be happy. When you get there, it’s not going to change anything. It’s not going to change things like you think it will change things is what I’m trying to say. 

[00:15:19] You don’t need to be anyone different. And whenever you’re doing something, because you want the approval of someone else, it’s just not going to be in alignment. So, if that’s your real WHY, you may really need to look at that and that’s what we’re going to do in the challenge. I’m not, like I said, I’m not saying that losing weight, isn’t something that will make you feel good. 

[00:15:37] The key is in the place it’s coming from. What is your WHY? How do you want to feel and is that gonna make you feel that way? So, I’m going to help you explore that. And then the next step is to really tune into what feels alive for you in this coming year? How do you want to feel as you’re going through your life this year? Do you want to feel empowered? Strong, vibrant, softer content, calm, joyous?

[00:16:07] You get the idea. 

[00:16:09] So we’ll brainstorm, you know, what brings that feeling for you? And it could be a similar thing to what your soul list goal or your check the box goal was, but it’s just that you’re arriving at it differently. And your motivation is going to be entirely different because it’s going to come from within. 

[00:16:27] So key. 

[00:16:28] So we’re also going to take your SOUL goal and drill it down to a very specific, strong WHY? This process is kind of a chicken and an egg thing. It’s like you kind of grapple with it and then you hone in a little more. And so it’s a little bit of a, it’s an iterative process, really, but I want you to have a really, really strong why, and that’s going to help you when you’re tempted to lose sight of this soul goal. 

[00:16:56] And if it’s the right WHY it will work, if you let it. If you let go of your ego and let it work. And it all boils down to that feeling. That feeling that you want, what’s going to help you get there 

[00:17:09] With the example of losing weight – Like this has happened to me so many times. I mean, I talk about all the time, how I’ve been obsessed with weight and food and all that stuff for like, you know, my whole life. And it’s a struggle for me, you know, it’s still is a struggle for me. I really have to be intentional

[00:17:26] about my thoughts about my body.

[00:17:29] I can’t set a goal of losing weight, because if I do, the process sucks. The process sucks because I get obsessed, and I am really hard on myself. It’s terrible. It’s not good. But if I set a goal, like, okay, this year I want to do things that are going to make my body feel healthy and strong. 

[00:17:52] That is such a better motivator for me. When I’m being intentional in my days, that’s the other part is to be mindful and like not going through your days on autopilot, because then your well-worn neural pathways are going to take over. So, we’re trying to create new neural pathways. 

[00:18:06] You have to be intentional. That’s another part of it. But if I go through my day thinking. Oh, I’ve got to count calories because I have to lose weight so I can feel good in my skinny jeans, vs.  I want my body to feel strong and healthy. And I want to feel empowered that I’m making healthy decisions. 

[00:18:26] If I’m being intentional, those feelings are in my mind. And if I have the choice between something that’s going to make me feel crappy or something really healthy, that’s going to make me feel good and I’m intentional about that, I’m going to choose the thing that’s going to make me feel good. So, it’s easier to stay on track because your mindset about it is so different. 

[00:18:45] And finally in the challenge, I’m going to talk about what to do when you get off track. And it really relates to using that feeling is like a GPS, right? And sometimes. If you’re following that emotional GPS, or the feeling GPS. Sometimes you might get to a place where you’re like, yeah, this just isn’t a SOUL goal anymore. 

[00:19:11] We hear don’t quit. Keep going. All the time. And that’s great advice, but sometimes going after a goal that made you feel alive at one point, doesn’t make you feel the same way at another point along your journey, and then it’s time to readjust and find one that does, because again, it’s all about who you feel, not the actual thing. 

[00:19:32] You know, we’re not here to just tick off accomplishments. We’re here to actually feel how we want to feel during this lifetime. There’s a quote by the Dalai Lama that is something along the lines of, “the whole point of life is to be happy”. Think about that. Really, that’s pretty simple. It comes down to that. 

[00:19:53] So that’s what I want you to think about as you go through your new year, you know, are you ticking a box off? Are you going for achievement? Are you a perfectionist? And you know, if you don’t lose that perfectionistic, I have to achieve X, Y, and Z, or everything has to be perfect,

[00:20:11] how are you going to feel about yourself or are you going to feel crappy about yourself? That’s not a SOUL goal that’s your ego. That’s worrying about external input to set them and to go after them. It’s not nearly as fulfilling. I promise you. I have been in both places. 

[00:20:30] But you can always use that emotional guidance system, the emotional GPS to guide you. If you’re no longer feeling good about something. why strive for it? Because when you reach it, you’re not going to feel as fulfilled anyway. So it’s okay to let go of stuff sometimes. 

[00:20:51] And then also in the challenge, I want to help you with steps that you need to take to get on your way to that goal. So, I want to help you create steps that align with that feeling you want. 

[00:21:03] And this is a really kind of a different way of setting goals. You know, everyone talks about setting SMART goal, you know, Specific Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-Bound. And that’s great. Like, I agree with that. If you want to hit a certain target, you do need to have some structure to it, but what I’m, what I’m offering here is that you can kind of adapt that to be like, you know, we still want to be human. 

[00:21:33] And we still want to be able to be happy and to follow our, you know, our soul guidance. And that’s what this is about, is starting with that and working towards a plan. I want to help you. I know you’re going to have a lot of questions about, well, how do I do this? Like, how do I change losing weight, for example, into a goal that makes me feel good. 

[00:21:54] When I still want to lose weight. So, on the last day of the challenge, I’ll be able to answer all your questions. 

What you’ll get during the challenge is:

every day there’ll be a lesson delivered to your inbox. I’m going to go live in Facebook to teach it. 

[00:22:11] And you’ll get a downloadable worksheet to help you along. And then there’s a private Facebook group that’s just there for you to use for encouragement, support, and questions. If you need help, like figuring out how you want to feel I can coach you into finding that word that really resonates for you because that’s part of it. We need to find words in language that really, really light us up

[00:22:35] and get us excited about it. So that’s an overview of the challenge. 

[00:22:40] And if you’re interested in exploring this ahead of time. There are a couple of things I recommend. The challenge starts January 17th.  (You can sign up HERE) but if you want to start looking into this or start learning a little bit or start kind of thinking about how you want to feel, what are your soul goals? What are your check-the-box goals? 

[00:23:02] Journal about it. I also recommend checking out Danielle LaPorte’s book, The Desire Map. I’ll link to that in the show notes as well. And start thinking about, you know, what words. What feelings

[00:23:17] feel alive to you. What feelings really, when you think about them, get you excited or inspire you or feel kind of like your home feel, you feel grounded and centered. Start to brainstorm, how do you want to feel? That’s good work to do. 

[00:23:34] And when you sign up for it, a lot of times, and I’m guilty of this too,

[00:23:38] People will sign up and then they’re like, oh, just catch the replays of the Facebook lives. And then they never do the challenge. Like I said, I’m totally guilty of this too, but every time I get mad at myself and wish I had just set aside you know, a half hour a day to do this or an hour a day or whatever it is. 

[00:23:58] Even if you have to catch the replays, set aside the time

[00:24:02] because the content in it is free and it’s so good. And it’s going to help set you up for a great year. It’s going to really help you along your journey, to tune into your intuition and who you need to be to get where you want to go. 

[00:24:20] So I’m really excited to deliver this challenge to you. So sign up for it, make time to do it live with us along with us so you can use that free Facebook group to get all of the support and all the encouragement you need. I want you to feel amazing in 2022. 

[00:24:41] All right. That’s all I have for today. So excited to be back here with you on Real, Brave, & Unstoppable. And I will see you next week.