People, please. Right now, just be kind.

In light of everything going on, I’ve been having a hard time knowing what to post.  To be honest, it is really hard to know what is going to best serve my followers.  I definitely do not want to be out there marketing myself for profit, yet at the same time, I rely on that income to put food on the table.  And still, it is so important to just trust that things will work out, and serving my followers by doing what I can to help you through this time is my #1 priority.

So here I am, right here with you, amidst the uncertainty in this insanely crazy time.

Today, I want to open the conversation about being kind to one another.  It’s very simple.  I’m going to share something that happened to me last week, and some things I learned from it. And as you read my post, I want you to think about how you can show up authentically and with kindness toward others.

I’ve been writing a lot, and have had two of my articles accepted for publication by major online blogs.  One of them was posted last week on Scary Mommy Teens & Tweens.  I won’t go into the details of the article, but you can read the version I initially posted on my blog HERE if you are so inclined.

The gist of the article published to Scary Mommy was about my son’s college essay and how I found it on his dresser.  He had expressed at one point that he didn’t want his dad or I to help him with it because he didn’t want us to read it.  That was hard, but ok… I accepted that I can’t make him share it.  My son has been through a lot in the last year, and without going into details, when I found the essay, as a mom, I had to look at it to make sure everything was ok. I kept reading – maybe I shouldn’t have, but I did.  It was my choice as a mom, and I won’t apologize for that.  

As Byron Katie would say, it should have happened, because it did.

I received some pretty nasty comments criticizing my choice, questioning my ability to be a coach and how I let my son down all over again.  One woman shamed me for using his pain for my personal gain.

Ouch. 

Those comments stung.

To be honest, I cried. A lot. For multiple days.  

I let the haters get to me. 

I fed the trolls by responding trying to justify myself.

I couldn’t believe people could be so hateful toward me.  They don’t even know me.

Those comments stung, and I know that this is just part of embracing vulnerability and putting yourself “out there” into the world.  There are trolls and there are haters.  There are judgmental people that feel the need to tear into you without knowing your story.  There are, unfortunately, some pretty awful asshole people out there.

But, I learned some things, and I always like to look for the blessings in difficult situations.

You can’t please everyone.  

Not everyone will agree with you 100% of the time and that’s entirely normal.  People have the choice to be constructive, to keep their mouth shut if what they say will hurt another person, or they have the choice to choose the asshole route.

Why not choose kindness, people?  

My decisions are for me.  You don’t know me.  I don’t give a shit what you think of my parenting decisions.  Have I screwed up before?  Of course, and so have you.  I guarantee you that a perfect parent just does not exist.  But please, for the love of God, just choose kindness, even when you don’t agree with someone.  

“Everyone is fighting a hard battle that you know nothing about.  Be kind always”.

Staying Connected to Your Inner Light

I’ve realized that I’ve been very disconnected from my inner light – my awareness, my being. I’ve been feeling attached to things, situations, ways of being, outcomes, the way things are – things that are on the outside of me.  

To be honest, I feel a little lost right now.  

The comments on my article stung so badly.  They really hurt.  I am a nice person, and I would never in a million years say something so unkind to anyone. I tend to get really let down in situations like this because I really and truly like to see the best in people.   But all of this has really caused me to reconnect with mindfulness and non-attachment and being really good with myself as I am.  

I do not need the opinions of others to be favorable for me to feel good about the work I am doing.

Purpose, and Why I Do This Work

I was reminded why I do this work. 

And this is of utmost importance to me.

I do not do this work for approval or validation of my life and the choices I make.  No, I am done needing validation for my self-worth.  

I do this work to show other people my struggles in hopes that they might relate and feel more comfortable sharing their struggles as well.  

My dream is to build a community of people that are truly able to show up as a vulnerable and authentic human being. 

By showing up this way and sharing my struggles, I am sharing with you that I am a flawed human being, and I have problems.  My problems may not be as hard yours – they are different, but no matter what my life looks like on the outside, I can assure you there have been some giant shit storms over here.  

It is my hope that by sharing my fallibility as a human, that you will relate and be more comfortable showing up with vulnerability and authenticity as well.  

I want you to share your story too, because your story matters.

After a lot of soul-searching over the course of my life, I have come to realize that building a community that shows up to support one another in vulnerability and authenticity is my life’s work.  It’s what I am here for.

This mission spans so many pieces of the different struggles I’ve encountered in my life.  I know other people have struggles too, some very similar to mine and some very different, but I truly want to help people and inspire people; I want to give them hope where I can.  

That same article that received three awful comments, brought 20 times as many positive comments from parents letting me know that my story resonated with them and helped them feel better about the tough times they’ve been through as a parent. The article reminded them that we all screw up (even the ladies that felt the need to publicly chastise my post), and we learn. And, next time, we do a little better.

My mission is so important to me that I will not waver from it, even if it means trolls and haters criticize every ounce of my work.  The pain it causes me will get easier to handle, and it is worth it to me to deal with that to have an impact on other people.

During this time of uncertainty and so much fear, we really need to lift each other up, not tear each other down.  There is nothing wrong with opening up a discussion with others, but please don’t attack others for their choices – during this time, or ever.

Think about others before you speak.  You might not know what their life is like.  You might not know what kind of day they’ve had.  You might not know anything about their situation.  You never know the effect of your words or actions on someone.  

Being kind could be the difference between someone who is suicidal ending their life or deciding to live another day.  It might be the difference between tears or a smile.  

Being kind could be paying it forward – your kindness might inspire the next person to spread kindness.  

Kindness, friends.  Kindness.  There is no need to tear anyone down.  Please practice patience, love and grace during this time, and always.

Please stay well and know that I am rooting for you all.

Big love to you and yours. ❤️❤️❤️