We are all enduring some really difficult times right now. Suffering is no picnic, that’s for sure. But…have you ever thought of struggle and adversity as an opportunity?
No one likes to struggle. Adversity is hard. And uncomfortable…. And it kind of (really) sucks. So bear with me.
The other day, I was watching Eckhart Tolle on an Instagram Live. He told the parable from the Bible about two men – one who built his house on rock, and one who built his on sand. He related the parable to the situation we’re facing today. We are the house and essentially, we have two choices: we can choose to dig deep and root into the rock – a solid foundation – that can withstand storms, floods, disasters; or we can try to root into something that we can’t hold on to – worry, anxiety and fear.
Matthew 7:24-27
24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
Before you yell at me because this is a really stressful time and it’s normal to feel anxiety, worry and fear, you are right!
But, can you shift your mindset just a little, and while you feel all the feels of this really hard time, think of the possibility that this storm could be an opportunity?
When life is easy and happy, rather than challenging, we can enjoy ourselves and keep our stress levels low quite easily. But what about when life challenges us with situations that scare or overwhelm us?
Consider this: if we were only able to feel happiness under perfect conditions – enough money, a certain socioeconomic status, a good relationship, a “perfect” family, being the best at something – then we are trapped by the external. Our happiness is dependent on things we can’t necessarily control. By allowing this to happen, it is easy for us to become victims of circumstances that change and shift.
In contrast, what if we could choose that no matter where we find ourselves, we can be in the external situation and grapple with the challenges, as well as choose our attitude about it? We’re like leaves on a stream. We’re going to move through different times in our lives, and some of them will be challenging. We know challenging times are going to happen sooner or later. I certainly feel more at ease knowing that we can either choose to judge what life throws at us as good or bad, or we can decide that if life doesn’t bring ease in every moment, we can find a way to create what we want, whether that’s with a changed attitude or by changing our circumstances. We have the ability to rise above our environment.
So, how can you turn adversity, struggle and suffering into an opportunity? I mean, how is that even possible if it’s stressful and really sucks?
Here are some ideas to help you shift your mindset.
Adversity gives us the opportunity to:
Find Out Who You Are and What You’re Made Of
The Greek goddess, Psyche was tasked with overcoming tremendous obstacles by Aphrodite, the goddess of love, to win back the love of Cupid. She persisted until she completed these impossible tasks, and in the process made her soul complete. We can do the same. By owning and developing our strengths and what we are capable of, we find out who we really are, and what we’re made of. We learn the life doesn’t have to be easy to be ok.
Learn Compassion for Yourself, and Others
Things are not going to be perfect all the time, and through struggles, we can learn to be ok with that. We can learn to accept it. When things aren’t perfect, it isn’t a reflection of you or your capabilities. Adversity presents us with situations where we can breathe and choose to be compassionate – to give ourselves, and others, a bit of grace.
Right now, during this crisis, I am seeing so much compassion in the world. There are people supporting local businesses more than ever. People are telling each other to “stay safe” and “stay well”. There are examples of it everywhere.
What can you do to be compassionate toward yourself?
You can allow yourself to feel all the feels of this stressful time, but you can also offer yourself a ray of hope. Flip the doomsday script and shine a bit of light on what is still good in the world, and in you.
Reconnect With What Matters
I’m a runner, and lately when I go out for my runs, I see tons of people out enjoying the outdoors. Kids with their families. Friends taking a walk together. The number of people I see out getting fresh air is exponentially higher than on a day under normal circumstances. It’s nice to see families spending time together.
At home, we’re playing games together, and finding new things to do now that movie theaters and restaurants and bowling alleys are closed to the public. We’re being forced to get creative! We’re being forced to slow down.
In slowing down, we are given the chance to reconnect with what is truly important to us.
Spark Progress and Foster Adaptability
This situation is forcing our society to adapt. There will be vaccines for this new virus. There will be new treatments. We are scrambling right now, but we are adapting. The persistence of the human race to adapt has resulted in huge progress.
In addition to life coaching, I also manage outside sales for a local brewery. Our taproom is closed, and outside sales are down a bit since restaurants aren’t buying as much draft beer, but we’re adapting so that we can stay in business. We’re selling to-go beer and pivoting to add other income streams. We’re changing things to survive.
The need for adaptation brings creativity, and that is never a bad thing.
Access Parts of You That You Didn’t Know Existed
When life is easy, it’s common for people to go through the motions of their lives on autopilot. Nothing is really all that different from day to day, and a lot of people lose their excitement for life. We also forget what we are really capable of.
When things get hard, we have to get creative. We have to dig deep to progress. We find things in ourselves that we never knew we were capable of. We learn that we can handle a lot more adversity than we thought, and that prepares us for the next time we are in a time of suffering.
Grow As a Person
When most people think of adversity, it brings a feeling of dread. Of worry, anxiety and stress. All our lives, we’ve been taught to avoid adverse situations. We’ve been conditioned to see the negatives and the difficulties – not the benefits.
As I like to say, “outside your comfort zone is where the magic happens”. We don’t grow when we’re comfortable.
Look at weight lifting. If you lift a 5 pound weight 100 times every day and it’s easy, you’re never going to build muscle. You build muscle by starting with a weight you can lift for a certain number of reps. Once you can do that easily, you increase the weight and work your way back up to that number of reps. You keep doing that to grow your strength.
Same thing for building resilience to adversity. The struggle is going to push you to grow to the next level.
I believe that we are all presented with struggles because we are supposed to be in a different place. I view struggles as “lane changers” – messages that you are meant for more. They are a push to the next level. They are opportunities to help us get there, only we have to do the work.
Not everyone takes advantage of these opportunities.
When I found out my ex-husband is gay (before we divorced), I thought my life was over. My life didn’t seem awful before that, but it felt just “fine”. I struggled with feeling purpose. I felt like I was just going through the motions of my life. It was “good enough”, but not awesome.
When we split, I suffered so much. It took me a while before I started to do the work of turning my suffering into an opportunity. It did not come easy, but little by little, I started to see that I was learning and growing into the person I was meant to be. I learned what I am made of, and now I know that when I am faced with adversity, I have overcome some pretty tough shit and there really isn’t anything I can’t handle.
My past adversity showed me how strong I really am. I never would have believed it otherwise.
Bottom line is that we get to decide, on purpose, what we choose to think about an adverse situation. How will you show up?
Will you allow it to beat you down, or will you take the opportunity to rise?
Hey there!
I’m Kortney and I help women who want more from their life rediscover who they are and create a life they are excited about.
Are worn down putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? Do you feel like you’re living your life for everyone but yourself?
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