Long ago, I used to be a little ungrateful for the things in my life. I took so many things for granted. It took having everything taken away from me to learn how to appreciate what I do have. It was a tough lesson to learn, but learning how to cultivate gratitude changed my life.
Let’s be honest – it’s easy to be ungrateful these days. We’re always rushing from one thing to another, faces buried in our phones. We don’t take the time to smile at a stranger or tell someone to have a nice day. We always seem to want more, more, more. More stuff, more money, more recognition, more everything.
My Own Story of Loss and Lack of Gratitude
I’ve written about my story of loss many times on my blog, but a recap if you’re new – My ex-husband came out as gay in the summer of 2014. We had been married for 17 years, had 2 kids, 2 dogs and a beautiful home on 2 acres. There were horses across the street and wooded parkland behind our house. We had chickens, and woke up each morning to the neighbors burro (possibly not a good thing, but it was pretty cute!).
Life was status quo. Meaning, it was fine, but I didn’t wake up each morning and think about how thankful I was for everything. I was more likely to complain about how much work it was to clean my house because it was so big or how long the lawn took to mow.
When my husband and I split up, I lost security, safety, money, the house that took so long to clean, the yard that took so long to mow, the burro that woke us up way too early every morning. I lost my life as I knew it. Everything that I had taken for granted was gone in an instant.
Poof.
Rebuilding My Life With Gratitude
The aftermath was not pretty. I had taken so many things for granted for so long, and now I didn’t even have those things. I was so depressed that I literally couldn’t get out of bed some days. My mom sent me a gratitude journal, which had space to write down three things I was grateful for each day. Most days, I struggled to find one besides my kids, which I would always write down. They kept me going when I didn’t know how I could.
I kept that gratitude journal by my bed, and gradually, more things started to appear on the pages. Sunshine. Comfy covers. Coffee. Over time, I started to look for the little things. Mind you, it was still really hard. I still had a pretty negative mindset overall. But I kept trying.
I don’t really know when things started to turn around and my go-to mindset became gratitude, rather than wishing things were different or wishing I had more. All I know is that now, it comes pretty easily. It’s kind of a miracle, if you ask me, but even if I am having a crappy-ass day and start to go down the rabbit hole of negativity, I usually have a moment where I can draw on my gratitude practice to remind myself that every negative thing I’ve ever experienced has eventually made its way into something positive.
Finding the “Good” in the “Bad”
It took losing almost everything and going through that rebuilding process to get to a point where I really was grateful for all of it. There’s no way I could have seen it then, but looking back, I have always been able to make sense of the path that unfolded.
For example, having to rebuild my life after my ex and I split seemed like the end of my life, quite literally. But I grew to be thankful for learning how to stand up for myself in a productive and non-emotional way. I learned how to appreciate every moment I have with my loved ones, because it might be gone tomorrow. I learned how NOT to communicate in a relationship. I learned how to be mindful and I learned how to meditate. I learned that I need to be kind to myself. I learned how to be strong for others when they need me most. I learned how to hold my shit together when it’s hard. Most importantly, I learned that I can do anything and that even though approximately half of my life has passed by, I still have another half of my life to be kick-ass and unstoppable.
I am grateful beyond measure for these lessons. If my ex-husband hadn’t had an affair with another man, I would likely still be stuck in a marriage that was “fine”, doing a job that was just “fine” and just going through the motions in a life that was “fine”.
Fine is, well, fine… but living a life that is full of possibility, confidence and excitement is just so much better.
How to Cultivate Gratitude In Your Own Life
I’ve compiled a short list of some easy things you can do in your own life to start cultivating gratitude. I promise you that the more you practice it, the easier it gets. And gratitude begets gratitude… it’s contagious. And amazing.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
This one seems a little cliche and super obvious, but it really is useful. Forcing yourself to think of at least three things that you are grateful for each morning is a great way to start your day.
Surround yourself with positive people
Have you ever been around someone that is super negative and you can just feel there is a different energy in the room?
Positive people emanate a whole different energy that will also raise yours. Positivity and gratitude is contagious.
Notice what you have
In my own story, I mentioned some of the things that I took for granted in my “previous life”. Now, I can practice noticing the amazing things in my life and get really grateful for them. I think about people that struggle with poverty or health issues. I look at my life and thank God for it because I know that it could get taken from me in a instant.
Look at your struggles from a lens of gratitude
I know, I know. This one is hard. But stick with me here.
Try this exercise:
Think about any hardships you have overcome in your life. Let’s think of three to start. Now underneath each item, write down as many positive things you can think of that came from those hardships. I challenge you to see the good out of what you’ve previously labeled as “bad”. Try to shift your perspective. Remember, this is a practice, so if you don’t nail it the first time, be gentle on yourself!
Say thank you to others
Thank people for everything.
In my day job, I sell craft beer for a local brewery. Sometimes when I am out visiting an account, bartenders will offer me water while I wait to talk to my customer. I always make sure to say thank you. Even if I don’t take them up on it, I thank them for taking the time to ask and I make sure they know that I appreciate them going out of their way to be thoughtful.
What little things that don’t seem like a big deal can you think to thank others for?
Find ways to help others
How can you go out of your way to help others? Brainstorm a list. Big things, small things. Sometimes the smallest things mean the most.
What Are You Thankful For Today?
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it’s the perfect time to start cultivating gratitude in your life. Why not start your own gratitude journal? You could do a jar and drop in little notes about what you’re thankful for. You could have an actual journal; You could do it in a journal app. If you like to be creative, you could make an art project out of it (if you have kids that like art, you could easily include them in this one!).
The thing I am most grateful this year (besides my family) is my mindset. I have gone from a perfectionist mindset, which told me nothing was ever good enough – that I wasn’t good enough, and if I didn’t nail something the first time, I was a failure.
I’ve shifted my mindset to being grateful for my failures because I have learned from them. I’ve also learned that they weren’t really “failures”… they were really just lessons on what not to do again.
I love that I can know that I might not hit a home run every time, but forward progress is still progress. And falling down isn’t permanent unless I don’t get up.
Friends, I want to hear what you’re thankful for! I would love it if you’d do one of the following:
- Post what you’re thankful for on Facebook and tag Kortney Rivard Coaching
- Comment below
- Post a photo of something you’re thankful for on Instagram and tag me (@kortneyrivardcoaching)
I am also grateful for all of you.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with love and gratitude. I’ll see you back here next week, same time, same place! ❤️
speaking of gratitude… have you downloaded my freebie yet?
Inside are tips on incorporating 3 simple practices into your life that will make a huge impact. It’s called How to Be Happy: 3 Simple Practices That Will Change Your Life and you can grab it by completing this form!
