We’re going to have a little fun this week while I teach you what I know on how to forgive someone (including yourself).

I’m also going to teach you what the full moon has to do with forgiveness.

Fun fact, I am a “Certified Moonologer”. Yes, it’s true. I’m certified to teach people about how the moon cycles work and how you can tune in to its rhythms and cycles. 

It’s been a lot of fun to learn and connect with nature in this way and it’s helped me stay more present as I go through my life.

So what does the moon have to do with forgiveness?

The full moon (fun fact #2: there was a full moon yesterday) is an excellent time to release, let go, and forgive. You can forgive someone by choosing to forgive them and then working on releasing that energy so you can be free. In this article, I’ll teach you a little bit about the moon and its phases, as well as how to practice forgiveness at this phase of the lunar cycle.

So first of all, Moonology 101!

As the days and nights go by, the moon appears differently to us in the sky – obviously you know this! This is due to the relative positions of the sun and moon to the earth.

Here’s a little primer on the different phases of the moon, starting with the New Moon.

New Moon

The new moon is when the sun and moon are in line with each other. The moon isn’t reflecting any light back at earth, so it appears dark.  From this point forward until the full moon, the moon will be in the waxing portion of its cycle. It will appear to grow in size.

The new moon is associated with planting the seeds for future wishes and dreams. It’s a time for planning and looking toward things. This time in the lunar cycle is a great time for creating something new.

Waxing Crescent

The moon is beginning to “grow” and looks like a thin sliver in this phase

This is the time to move forward and explore your dreams, have courage, and take action.  

First-Quarter Moon

The moon continues to grow larger and reaches a point where it looks like a half-moon at the first quarter moon phase. This is a time to commit. You may start to have doubts about your ability to make your dreams come true, so you need to strengthen your resolve or commitment. At this point in the cycle, the sun and moon are making a hard right angle with each other, so it’s a “clashing energy”, and Issues that need attention might come up. You’ll need to take the necessary action to keep them from becoming worse.

Gibbous Moon

As the moon continues to wax, it reaches the gibbous phase. It’s important to stay on course and tweak or adjust where necessary. Keep up your stamina! Don’t give up – stay open to what life is teaching you. It’s a great time to build momentum or get back into the good habits you’ve let slip.

Full Moon

Approximately 2 weeks after the new moon, the moon reaches its fullest state. As I mentioned, we’ll be focusing on this phase, but it’s the high point – things come to a climax or peak.  It’s a great time to feel encouraged and hopeful about your dreams and to count your blessings.

Central to the time of the full moon is the idea of releasing and letting go.

It makes sense since the visible moon is about to begin diminishing in size. It’s a time to be conscious of anyone and anything that has hurt you and forgive them (or at least start that process). It’s big energy – yang, masculine – so people can tend to feel wound up and anxious at this time.

After the full moon, the moon begins its “waning” cycle. It is from this point until the new moon that the moon appears to get smaller and smaller.

Disseminating Moon

As the moon wanes, it reaches the disseminating phase. During this time, it can be tempting to fall into a slump, so it’s not time to start something new. Relax and go easy on yourself while you regroup. It’s a time to accept where you are and accept “what is”.

Third Quarter Moon

As the moon wanes or appears smaller and smaller as we approach the new moon, it looks like a half-moon again, just like the first quarter moon, only opposite. The message during this phase is to let go and surrender.

Once again, the egotistical sun and emotional moon are making a hard right angle with each other, so there may be tension. This can be an awkward time, so you may need to reevaluate and reorient. You may not want to let go of something even though you need to.

This is also a good opportunity to examine conflicts. What are the lessons in the challenges you’re facing? Is there something you need to let go of to make space for something new? It can be a crossroads of sorts.

Balsamic moon

The phase right before the new moon is the balsamic moon. I think this is a funny name because I have a hard time not thinking of balsamic vinegar! Balsamic actually means healing, or soothing, and the balsamic moon is the time for healing and soothing. You’ll want to go easy on yourself and allow hope to guide and inspire you as you start to think about your dreams again. It’s a good time to rest, heal, daydream, and use your imagination.

The Balsamic Moon is also a good time to let go of relationships that need to end. 

That brings us back to the new moon!

Now that you’ve had Moonology 101, let’s dive into practicing forgiveness around the time of the full moon. 

As the moon goes through its phases from new to full, energies are building, and because the moon rules emotions, emotions are also building. The moon is swelling to fullness, as are our emotions, and they come to a head at the full moon so it’s a really good time to deal with all of our “stuff”. 

It’s a time where things peak, and it’s about letting go and releasing the old and lower energies that don’t serve us, like guilt, fear, anger, disappointment, and jealousy to name a few.

It’s a great time for powerful inner work, healing, and seeing where things are out of balance. 

As far as forgiveness goes, holding grudges takes up a TON of space energetically. When you can release that energy, or transmute it, you’re going to feel better and attract better things into your life.

The Buddha said, “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.

So forgiveness is really more for you than the other person, but that’s what you care about anwyay, right? You care about YOU feeling high-vibe and happy, free of resentment and bitterness. It does NOT mean that you make what they did right or agree with it. It just means you’re moving on.

Trust me when I say, I know this is a process. 

But how do you forgive someone? 

Oof, such a hard thing to do, I know.

When I found out that my husband was sleeping with another man eight years ago, I had a LOT to forgive.

Was it hard? Hell yes. And there are times when I need to go back and reaffirm my choice to forgive because it is that hard.

Let me share some of my most helpful tips with you.

1 – Be Willing To Take Responsibility for YOU

You need to be willing to take responsibility for what you’ve created in your life. You can’t be in victim mode. And no matter how someone wronged you, you are responsible for the way you choose to react to that person. You’re responsible for your feelings.

So have a willingness to go there.

2 – Know What Forgiveness is, What it’s NOT, and Why It’s Important.

Forgiveness IS making the choice to release the person who hurt you so you can free yourself and move forward.

Forgiveness is NOT condoning the actions of the person who wronged you. Forgiving does not mean you’re agreeing with them or acknowledging they were right in any way.

It also does not mean you’ll forget.

But forgiveness is important for YOU. You will release resentment and bitterness, as well as low-vibe energy that keeps you stuck. When you’re ready to forgive, forgiving helps you get out of victim mode too.

3 -Honor Your Feelings and Pain

Forgiveness is not about glossing over your feelings and pain. You are human, and you have feelings about how someone treated you.

Acknowledge you’ve been through something challenging and that you have real feelings about it. Don’t fall victim to your feelings, but also don’t judge the pain you’re in. 

4 – Remember That Forgiveness is a Process

Forgiveness is a process. Be sure to have compassion for yourself as you work on it. You’re not going to feel like you’ve completely forgiven someone in a day, but all of the baby steps add up. And remember, everyone has their own timing.

There are a few things that can help you along this process though to get in the right frame of mind to forgive someone.

First, stop making disparaging remarks about the person who wronged you. It’s just making you feel worse, and chances are the other person doesn’t care, or if they do, you’re just going to make them angry.

I learned this the hard way when I was going through my divorce. I very publicly made disparaging comments about my ex on Facebook. It not only looked bad, but it made me feel crappy about myself and really didn’t get me what I wanted, which was for him to come crawling to me apologizing.

Also, let go of your pride and desire to prove that you’re right and try to practice love and forgiveness in small ways in your everyday life. Like when someone cuts you off in traffic or interrupts you in your Zoom meeting. Practicing forgiveness in these small ways will help build your “forgiveness muscle”!

5 – Practice Reframing the Situation

I really believe that challenges are our best teachers. In fact, I did an interview with Authority Magazine on resilience and that was one of the questions – who has had the biggest influence or taught you the biggest lessons in life? 

I told them that my greatest teacher is my ex-husband. 

What have your challenges, or “teachers” taught you? 

I also like to practice seeing it through the other person’s eyes. For example, my ex was kind of an asshole during our divorce process. Looking back at it, and after a lot of work, I can have some compassion for what he was going through at the time as well. He was trying to find himself in his new identity and sexuality. 

That must have been difficult.

Let me be clear – this does NOT mean you are justifying the other person’s behavior. Just entertaining different perspectives. 

It’s also important in looking at different perspectives to not blame others for what you are experiencing. Take responsibility for how you’ve chosen to respond. Whether you are justified or not, those are your feelings to deal with, not anyone else’s.

And actually, this is good news because when you can learn to sit with and handle any emotion, you can handle anything.

6 – Be Kind Instead of Right

There is a Chinese proverb that says, If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.

Wayne Dyer said that he interprets that as your resentments will destroy you.

I totally agree with that interpretation!

7 – Don’t Stay Stuck in the Past

Author Heather Hepler said, “At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.”

 I love that quote so much. When you are stuck in the past, you are missing out on all of life’s amazing moments that are happening now. 

Life is in the now and if you want to live a big juicy life, you’ve got to live in the now. You just have to.

Bless the past and acknowledge that it happened, learn what you can and move forward.

8 – Forgive Yourself

There are plenty of things I’ve had to forgive myself for over the years, and sometimes that’s even harder than forgiving someone else because our brain doesn’t want to let go.

Have compassion for yourself and talk to a therapist or coach about it. It helps SO much.9 –

9 – Write it Out

Finally, write out a list of people you need to forgive. Write out who they are and what they did. It could even be yourself you need to forgive.

Close your eyes and visualize each person in turn. Imagine they’re in a pink bubble and they’re smiling at you. Create a good feeling between you and say “I forgive you” as they float off in their bubble. I find the visual of them floating away is super helpful.

If it feels right to you, you can also burn your forgiveness list (in a place you won’t set your house on fire, of course!). It’s definitely symbolic of letting go.

The Importance of Gratitude

Nature abhors a vacuum, so when you release something, something else will naturally want to take its place energetically. 

This is a wonderful opportunity to fill yourself up with gratitude after releasing your grudges or whatever else doesn’t serve you.

Count the blessings you have in your life and really feel the gratitude in your body. 

At each new moon and full moon, I spend a bit of time with a short ritual where I make my new moon wishes or let go and forgive at the full moon. 

So tonight, I’ll be letting go and releasing what doesn’t serve me as well as making my forgiveness list. And reflecting on how I can let all of that stuff go. 

It’s important to note as well, that just because you decide to forgive someone doesn’t mean you’ll feel like they’re forgiven for a very long time. Since the full moon is such a great reminder to do the work of forgiveness and gratitude, you can keep forgiving the same person at each full moon until you feel it’s complete.

I hope you’ve found this article helpful. I find the lunar cycle fascinating, and it’s been a really good way for me to stay in sync with nature’s rhythms of expanding and letting go. Give it a try!

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