Listen to more episodes of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable on your favorite streaming platform!
APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY | STITCHER
What do you do when your life doesn’t feel exciting anymore?
It happens. Life happens, and pretty soon it doesn’t feel that exciting anymore.
What do you do when you feel like you’re going through the motions?
What do you do when you feel stuck?
Today on Real, Brave, & Unstoppable, I’m talking about how we get into this spot and some things you can do to bring some more fun, joy, and purpose into your life.
Before you know it, you’ll be living a life you’re excited to wake up to!
Want to love YOUR life?
I’d love to welcome you to my coaching family! I can help you love your life – and it all starts with self-love. For some women (most women!) it’s loving and being kind to their bodies first. For a few, they’ve got that taken care of and it’s working on loving the rest of themselves.
All so you can bring ALL of who you are to the world without apology. Wouldn’t it feel AMAZING to be comfortable in your own skin? What would that make possible for you?
Where should I start listing? 🙂
Wherever you start, this work is absolutely life-changing.
Want to know how? Book a consult call with me HERE and we can chat.
Transcript:
[00:00:00] Hey there. And welcome back to Real, Brave, & Unstoppable. Before I dive into the episode, I just want to share a really cool program that I’ll be offering this fall.
[00:00:10] And it’s awesome because it’s free! I’m going to be doing some local hikes (in the Washington DC area)! I’m going to be taking out a small group of women on a “mini-retreat” hikes.
[00:00:27] We have some amazing trails in Maryland!
We’ll start the day setting the theme, which will relate to loving your life in some way – loving your body and yourself so you can live your life, self-confidence, finding your purpose, getting unstuck, what holds you back from loving your life, things like that.
[00:00:48] I’ll give some prompts to discuss as we hike. We’ll take a break for a snack halfway and take some shares as well as some one-on-coaching for those who feel called to be coached.
[00:01:03] Then, we’ll head back. I’ll give you some more prompts to think about and discuss while we’re on the move. Once we get back to our start point, we’ll debrief and you’ll be ready to jump into your weekend feeling relaxed and refreshed. You will have had some time to really connect with nature, get some fresh air, connect with your soul and meet some other like-minded women who are also on a personal growth journey!
[00:01:30] You can visit https://www.kortneyrivard.com/local-hikes for more information, or email me at kortney@kortneyrivard.com to sign up.
The first hike will be on October 2nd at Sugarloaf mountain. In Dickerson, Maryland beginning at 10am. I hope to see you there.
All right. Let’s dive into the episode.
[00:01:51] Hello, friends. And welcome back to real, brave, and unstoppable. This is episode number 64.
[00:03:23] So today on the podcast, we are going to talk about what to do when your life doesn’t feel exciting anymore.
[00:03:32] A lot of people that I work with come to me really tired of feeling stressed, overwhelmed, burned out, and exhausted. They feel this way because they are either doing way too much and worrying about doing it perfectly, and
[00:03:45] they’re worried about what other people think; or they’re just generally feeling like they have to look like they have their shit together all the time. I used to be like this totally.
When I was in college, my senior year, I had so much stuff on my plate. I had finals. I was also in a program for my eating disorder So, I had appointments twice a week. I was also in a capstone aerospace design class with a final project that was big.
[00:04:13] And on top of that, we were preparing to travel to Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama to present our design. I was chosen to help present the aerodynamics portion. So, I had that trip and then prepping slides and all that stuff. Plus, I was also preparing to move to Seattle for the summer and move out of my apartment.
[00:04:34] A sub-story here… My parents arrived to move me out and I hadn’t packed a thing. They were not very happy! Finally, as if all of that stuff wasn’t enough already, I was preparing to take my private pilot written and practical exams. So much stuff.
[00:04:58] At one point. I was in a prep session with my flight instructor and I totally broke down when I was struggling to recall some of the mechanical systems stuff. My instructor just stopped me and said “Kortney, don’t you see what you’re doing to yourself? You don’t have to take all this stuff on. You’re doing way too much. The stress is going to kill you. You don’t have to do this right now. You can do it when you come back in the fall.”
[00:05:22] I ended up doing it because I didn’t want to wait until fall. But anyway, that’s an example of where stress, overwhelm, and burnout can come from when you’re just trying to do too much. And it’s such a cycle. You know, we get really stuck in the drudgery and we feel like we have to take everything on. We don’t have time for ourselves at all. We don’t have any space to just BE.
[00:05:44] Even if you’re not someone who takes too much on, even if you don’t feel exhausted and burned out, you might feel guilty taking time for yourself. A lot of people feel that way because they have other people in their lives that need you. A lot of times we put other people’s needs in front of our own needs.
[00:06:03] So our life feels like a hamster wheel. It gets a little lame. It feels too routine. We just really aren’t
[00:06:16] In love with our life anymore. And a lot of times there’s a fair amount of guilt that comes along with that too. Shouldn’t we be thankful for what we have? You know, we should just be happy with what’s in front of us. Our life is fine. There are other people that have it worse off than us. That kind of thing.
[00:06:32] So today’s episode is what are we going to do when your life doesn’t feel exciting anymore. It might not feel bad, but it certainly isn’t what you thought it would be. As Glennon Doyle said in her book Untamed, (and if you haven’t read this book, you’d need to go read it),
[00:06:47] “ I thought life would be more beautiful than this.”
[00:06:54] We get to a place in our life where we thought it would be different. We thought we’d be further ahead. We thought we’d be happier. We thought it would be different. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. It’s maybe just kind of
[00:07:12] anticlimactic.
[00:07:14] So.
[00:07:15] First of all. I just want to say that your life doesn’t have to feel exciting all the time. It’s not going to always feel exciting all the time. What I mean is more about your zest for life, looking forward to your days, the spark, you have. Your feelings of joy and loving your life.
[00:07:38] Nobody’s life is perfect, but when you’re in a place where you really love your life,
[00:07:43] and your feelings of overwhelm and stress and drudgery aren’t you’re dominating feelings. Of course, you’re going to feel that way sometimes – that’s just life and that’s okay.
[00:07:53] You can just sit with those feelings and let them roll away. I also want to say that when you feel this way – tired or overwhelmed and exhausted, basically you’re not truly enjoying your life. You’re very likely out of alignment with who you really are. You’ve probably kind of traded your authenticity for the approval of others,
[00:08:16] looking for validation. We learn how to do this when we’re really young. It’s pretty normal to do that. We all have done it.
[00:08:26] But you are an empowered human and you do have the ability to change how you feel about your life by changing your thoughts. And you can change your thoughts by dismantling those disempowering belief systems that you have about doing and taking the time to be yourself and try new things.
[00:08:48] If your life isn’t in alignment – if the things you do and your way of being are not in alignment with who you truly are, you’re not going to feel good. You’re not going to be in love with it and your life isn’t going to feel exciting. You’re always going to feel some kind of resistance – like something’s off. So today we’re going to talk about how you can do this, how to get in alignment with who you are.
[00:09:08] And how to feel good about your life, even in the times when you have stress and overwhelm.
[00:09:13] So let’s dive in. Okay. The first piece is to really get to know yourself. Many of us over the years, we’ve gotten really entrenched in different roles. You know, we’ve been moms, students, daughters, sons,
[00:09:33] teachers maybe, mentors, parents…
[00:09:37] Whatever the roles are. We identify with those.
[00:09:40] We think things like “I have to be a good mom” or “I have to be a good employee”, so we identify with that and we start to put on layers of armor that hide some of the things that don’t fit with that. Or we think don’t fit, which is another issue because we’re not always right.
[00:09:59] We also have the approval piece of things where we’re also putting more layers on to hide things that we don’t want other people to see for fear that they’re not going to approve of us. So, it’s really easy over the course of your life to forget who you truly are.
[00:10:17] Getting to know yourself means spending time with yourself, being in a quiet space with yourself, maybe meditating or being in nature.
[00:10:32] Doing things that really connect you with your soul. Journaling can be a good way of thinking about what you love to do and what you don’t love to do. You can look back at your childhood… asking questions about that can be helpful. Also, looking at your Story, capital-S Story. Like, what are you believing about yourself and the way the world works?
[00:10:52] Some Stories are helpful and good, but right now we’re looking at the ones that are self-limiting or unhelpful. An example is a client of mine who had a story about how she wasn’t important.
[00:11:12] She was always putting herself last from the time she was a kid and it just, it, it went into adulthood with her. She didn’t believe that she deserved to be at the top of the list for anything because she in her head just wasn’t important. We traced the story back to her childhood and found some possibilities of the root of it, but we also discussed how her story was keeping her safe.
[00:11:36] Hanging on to that thinking was keeping her safe because it gave her an excuse not to put herself out there and risk being judged. This is a simple example but say there’s one donut left on a plate in the break room. She would never take the last donut!
[00:11:54] She would never do that because, in her mind, she wasn’t important enough to have the last donut. It also gave her an excuse not to risk having someone judge her for taking the last donut.
[00:12:13] So we did a little bit of what’s called shadow work, which is another thing that’s really cool that I do with my clients. We looked at what the gifts in her Story are, the gifts of the pieces of her that were holding her back. And one thing that we came up with was that she gave a lot of other people the opportunity to be first and maybe even people who had stories that were similar to hers.
[00:12:37] Once she was able to look at that Story and the gifts that came out of it, even though the whole story that “I’m not important”, didn’t really serve her, and look at the positive in it, she was able to integrate those things into her being a little easier. And then when we do that, it’s like it’s healed, and we can let go of it. Once she was able to let go of that story, she could rewrite another one this time, believing that she was just as important as everyone else. And that was her true self. That was, that was her truth. Now that she embraces that new story,
[00:13:14] she’s in alignment in that area. Also, play around with showing up as your true self and see how that feels. It’s going to feel a little uncomfortable sometimes cause we struggle with approval or feeling stupid or worry about failing, and that kind of thing. But here’s a thought for you to ponder: Would you rather make everyone else comfortable at the expense of your own happiness?
[00:13:41] Profound question. Being yourself is the first step in making your life feel inspiring, purposeful, and joyful, and exciting.
[00:13:52] It really is. I mentioned that being yourself can be uncomfortable because so many of us are used to showing up and looking for the approval of others. We’re worried about failing, being judged, looking stupid, all the things. So, we put on all these different masks to fit in and feel like we belong.
[00:14:10] The next part of this is to become comfortable showing up in your truth. But to do that, you have to know that you’re amazing. You’re because you are you’re enough. Exactly as you are. This is self-acceptance.
[00:14:24] You really need to accept who you are to own that. That’s the first step of showing up as your true self. Self-love and self-acceptance are a whole other episode in themselves, but it’s one of the main things I work on with clients because in order to create a life that’s joyful and inspiring (and exciting), you like really need to love yourself unconditionally first.
[00:14:46] You have to tell yourself that you’re enough just as you are, even if you have to fake it till you make it a little bit, you have to start here. And for some people, this is hard at first. So that’s why the first piece is self-acceptance.
[00:15:00] One of my favorite exercises is from Louise Hay’s book, How to Heal Your Life. And what you do is you stand in front of a mirror. Anytime you find yourself in front of a mirror, do it several times a day for many, many days on end. Look into your eyes and say, I approve of you.
Saying I love you
[00:15:20] can bring up a fair amount of resistance, so you want to start with something that you can believe. So you work towards, I love you.
[00:15:27] You really can’t be truly happy and live a truly joyful, purposeful life until you get this. It’s so important. You have to love all of who you are, not just the easy parts. Once you can do this – truly get it and work towards it, things will start to really click into place. I promise you you’ll start to feel more amazing than ever than you ever have.
[00:15:51] Part of loving who you are unconditionally is letting go of the need to be perfect or to be approved of or look like you have all your shit together all the time. No one has their shit together all the time, no one is perfect, and no one is approved of all the time by everyone they encounter. So, you might as well get used to those ideas!
[00:16:15] And you can’t love yourself unconditionally if you measure your worth by how perfect you are, how many people approve of you, or having your shit together. You need to just be YOU. Be who you are, and that’s the only way to love yourself unconditionally.
[00:16:32] So the next thing is to try new things.
[00:16:36] Your life is not going to feel exciting. If you don’t try new things ever. So that means you need to get out of your comfort zone. It might feel a little uncomfortable or scary. But if you want a change, like a more joyful, exciting life, you need to make a change. Change is not going to happen until you take that first step.
[00:16:57] As I always tell my kids and they hate this – outside your comfort zone is where the magic happens. I get total eye rolls all the time when I say that, but it’s so true.
Related to this, I found on Richard Branson’s blog somewhere a portion of a blog post he wrote.
[00:17:17] It goes like this: “It can be really easy to get comfortable in life and to only do things inside your comfort zone. You’re unlikely to get hurt here. You might get really good at doing the one thing, you know, you can do,
[00:17:29] and your expectations are likely to be in line with what goes on around you. So, you’re not disappointed. But the magic does not happen here. I can honestly say that nothing good in my life has ever happened from the safety of my comfort zone. It’s all those moments where you feel challenged, where you think, oh crap, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. And then ponder giving up. If you can get through this stage of doubt and make it out on the other side, I promise you, this is where the good stuff happens.”
[00:17:57] I love that. And this is in a nutshell, what I believe about life. So do things, go try new things, keep the stuff you like ditch the stuff you don’t, but you have to take that first step, or your life is not going to change.
[00:18:13] You’re also really going to get to know yourself a lot better if you try new things and just notice what you like and what you don’t like. So that brings me to the next point, which is you have to learn how to trust yourself. And this can feel hard, but I promise you, your soul has all the answers. You know what’s right for you already.
[00:18:36] We just run into a lot of noise and chatter. When we start to overthink things, our ego gets into stuff and our ego just wants to keep us safe. It tries to tell us not to listen to our intuition.
[00:18:50] But if you can practice tuning into that intuition (and go back to the episode, number 61, on trusting your intuition. It’s great). You’ll learn to trust that you don’t need to overthink anything. It’s beautiful. I promise. And when you trust yourself, you bring so much more ease and flow into your life and joy will follow. And your life will start to get exciting again!
[00:19:13] Okay. So finally, I mentioned this above, but it’s important and I need to highlight it. Seriously, your life will not change if you’re not willing to make a change. You have to step out of your comfort zone. You need to get comfortable being uncomfortable because life isn’t always comfortable. So, you might as well start getting used to it, right?
[00:19:33] If you want help with this changing your feelings of going through the motions, life, not being what you thought it would be, I would love to help you do this. I have a new program that’s going to take you from not having a clue how to have a more joyful and exciting life to knowing what you want and feeling empowered to take steps and make decisions that are going to take you there. It’s all about abundance. shifting from a scarcity mindset of “things won’t change. There’s never enough. I can’t do that. Everyone has it easier than I do. I don’t have the resources”, yadda, yadda, yadda;
[00:20:05] to knowing that you can always change your situation because there’s enough of everything to go around. Love, happiness, money, contentedness, peace, joy, all the things. So, if you want to ditch that mindset of scarcity and get out of feeling stuck where you are so you can open your mind up to seeing all of the possibilities there in front of you, you do not want to miss this session. For more information, just shoot me an email and
[00:20:29] I’ll give you the rest of the low down.
[00:20:33] All right, friends. That is all I have for today. I hope this was helpful. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate you! And I will see you next week.
