“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
I LOVE this quote by Paulo Coelho.
We grow up wanting to become something. Or, at least, that’s what we’re taught to believe we need to do. We get the social message that to be successful we need to do things like get good grades, go to college, become something so we can make lots of money and be happy and have nice things.
In the process, we inherit a lot of belief systems before we are really old enough to decide for ourselves what works for us and what doesn’t. So, we blindly follow the path to become something, because that’s what we’re “supposed” to do.
At a certain point, I think we are all given the opportunity to realize that we are already something. We don’t need to become. We are already here. The journey is really about coming home to yourself. It’s about unbecoming all of the things you thought were supposed to be you so that your true self can shine like the beacon of light it is meant to.
“Unbecoming” is a beautiful journey. For me, the things I had to unbecome looked like: “I must be smart”, “I should have a career that makes me look smart”, “I must be better than everyone else at everything I do”, “I should be skinny”, “I should look a certain way”, “I must always have my shit together”, “I should be married”, “I must have the perfect house and the perfect family”, “I should have a lot of money”, “I must always look put together”,
… and so on. That’s a lot to keep up. A lot of pressure!
What “musts” and “shoulds” do you have? What doesn’t serve you? What could you get rid of to be more of who you truly are? What’s keeping you from shedding your “shoulds” and “musts”? Where do you think they come from?
Looking at where these aspects of you that don’t serve you come from is an interesting exercise. For me, I think 2 sources are relevant. The first is just social conditioning. Family belief systems, media (hello body image), social influences. The second, which is also tied to the first, is simply fear. These “musts” and “shoulds” are things my brain says to me to try to keep me “safe”. Sometimes our brain just doesn’t make very good judgments. Using my own “shoulds” and “musts” as examples, it’s scary not to care if I seem smart to other people. It was really scary for me to quit my engineering career to be a stay-at-home mom. My “you need to have a career that is preside to others” Story gave me a serious inferiority complex. It’s scary to let go of needing to be thin and in shape. Who am I without that need? Will I “let myself go” and gain a bunch of weight, therefore making me unattractive, undesirable and irrelevant? Unlovable? What if I’m not the perfect parent? Will I look bad next to my kids’ parents? Will they talk about what a bad mom I am?
Sometimes, it’s really hard, and scary, to let go of these beliefs.
The journey home to yourself starts with awareness. Can you start to notice the things you do in your life that really don’t make you happy? Can you start to notice some of the things your inner critic is saying to you about hanging on to those things? You can acknowledge them and honor them without attaching to them. Just start to notice them. Awareness is the first step.
As you start to think about making your own journey home to yourself, I would love to hear your comments. The journey home to yourself is a beautiful thing, and even more beautiful when you make it with a community. Reach out and share. I wish you the most lovely journey unbecoming!
I wish you the most lovely journey unbecoming!
xoxo,
Kortney
