Sometimes the very last thing we want to do is feel our feelings.
They can be uncomfortable. They can be painful. They can hurt so much.
It’s also not what most of us know.
At one time or another while you were growing up, you might have heard some version of “it’s not okay to feel your feelings.”
“There’s no reason to be sad.”
“Don’t be such a crybaby.”
“Suck it up. You have so much to be thankful for.”
“Here, have a cookie. It will make you feel better.”
So, we learn that we should push aside our feelings and put on a happy face. After all, “bad” feelings are inconvenient for everyone.
We learn that emotions aren’t safe. That crying isn’t appreciated and that life runs waaay more smoothly when we can just suck it up and be happy.
It wasn’t until six and a half years ago, when I discovered my husband of 17 years was gay, that my personal emotional hell began.
I struggled with an eating disorder for many years of my life. It was how I displaced bad feelings (which was ironic, because displacing the “bad” feelings only created more bad feelings) and coped with struggle in my life. As a result, I really didn’t have the skills to feel my feelings and to process them.
When my husband and I began the process of divorce, I had no tools in my tool belt to tolerate the painful feelings I was feeling. I felt groundless and out of control. I really had no choice but to start to learn how to manage the pain of the feelings I was feeling.
In this episode of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable, I talk about the importance of allowing uncomfortable feelings to move through you, instead of pushing them away or resisting them.
When you are in a situation that triggers you, your brain sends out a chemical cocktail made up of neurotransmitters that signal your body to feel something. This chemical reaction and the feeling that results from it lasts about 60-90 seconds.
Anything more than that is a feeling that is caused by the thoughts we have about what just happened in our body.
This is important.
Feelings don’t last forever.
They won’t hurt you.
Feelings are also neither good nor bad. Feelings just are. They only feel good or bad because of the way we’ve labeled them, or the thoughts we have about them.
This labeling happens because we have experiences and beliefs about ourselves and the way the world works that influence the way we think about what’s going on around us and the feelings we are feeling.
But if we didn’t label them, our feelings would just be feelings. Nothing more.
Feelings also carry messages.
Sometimes, the message might be to just sit quietly and let the feeling move through you. Other times, the feeling might be alerting you to danger, or inspiring you to take action.
But never is a feeling there to hurt you.
Feelings are like waves.
They come and go. They ebb and flow. If you can sit with a feeling, it will roll away like a wave and a different one will come.
Listen to this episode of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable to learn more about feelings and how to start working toward feeling them and letting them move through you.
Have you joined the Real, Brave, & Unstoppable Facebook group yet?
Join us by clicking below!
